Thursday, September 29, 2005
Although I had the arguement with mom on sun, I think that incident had bugged me since then. I do not think I have a good night sleep. Subconciously, I am still being bothered with the conversation that I had with her.
M: Next time you better don't tell me all your problems.
V: Oh, I have already stopped confiding in you.
M: You so clever trust those friends of yours. If they mean any harm then you would get it. Believe in others and not your own family.
V: I have also not confided in them. I kept everything to myself.
*Bish* When I said that, it dawned upon me that I have not confided in my mother anymore ever since she started to use that to threaten me whenever she is unhappy with me. I kind of promised myself that I would not tell her any more things since she doesn't want to listen. Maybe you can say that I am stubborn. But I have to agree I am. Since she put it that way, i shall not confide then. However, i didn't realised that I had really done that.
Although I am stubborn, but I do not think that I would do that on purpose. I guess, she must had mentioned it a lot of times that subconsciously I became determined not to tell her things.
Ever since that happened or when I realised this, I have been dreaming in my sleep quite a bit. I even woke up while I was still speaking in my dream and I rememebered vivially that it was something that I wanted to say to my mom.
I guess that incident really affected me quite a bit. Hence till today that I am still affected. Subconsiously I am still bothered by it.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Was expecting it to be a raining morning and day. Instead, the weather was so warm and it didn't rain till just now. Was hopping to be able to get enough rest today. With the rain, it would be nice to snuggle in bed. Too bad. Things did not go my way.
Woke up with irritated as the phone rang early in the morning. Who answered the phone? Who else but me. Nobody would wake up and ans one. Hiaz. SO when mom asked me too many question i blew my top at her. She started to scold ppl around the house. I know that i should not be blowing my top at her. But its really irritating when she ask the same kind of question over and over again.
What made me realised then was that she would usually like to say this: "Next time dun tell me about your problems then. I dun want to hear about them." As this is not the first time she said this. Previously i just told her that i would accede to her request. However, I realised today that i have not talked to her about any of my problems since she started to tell me that.
It seems that she was angry and told me off saying that by telling other ppl they may not be able to give me the right advise. Haha. I also realised that I have not been telling anyone about my problems. Been keeping it to myself. Is this because i dun have any problems or I had started to keep things to myself instead?
I am so tired. How I wish that I would be able to find someone to talk to? Someone whom i can confide in any time any where.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
It suppose to be a busy week but as one of the appointment was cancelled I became free instead. Lazy almost the whole week in the office without accomplishing anything.
Although I had finally completed the analysis of one of the customer's sample, there are still things that are needed to be done before its completed. I was so happy when I finally obtained the results that is necessary. However, as the time was limited on Friday, I wasn't able to fully complete the run properly. Maybe I would go office and do it again on Monday before telling Ray about it? Or should i just inform him about it first? hmmmm.
Was also busy socially as I was meeting up with Eng and Ivy over the weekend. Heard from Qing that Eng had broken up with his gal. I on there other hand feels that he hasn't broken up with her yet. He is those kind who would not want to hurt the other person's feelings. So i think he would give themselves another chance before giving up. Furthermore, I dun think he would suggest a breakup unless the gal does so.
When I heard about this, the devil in me was elated. I thought that maybe its my chance? Haha. I had admired him since young. I know that he is the type of guy whom I would like to have as a partner in life. However, since he has a gf already. I would not do anything to spoil the relationship. I am just not the kind of person.
Both Ivy and Qing felt that we were compatible. Haha. Deep down in my heart I was happy to hear this. However, somehow i know that its quite impossible. such things would not happen to me.
Just came back from the company BBQ. Everyone was so enthusated to meet Lee's gf. HhAha. All of us spectulated on whether she would come today. When we did meet her, she is those kind of gal that is suitable for Lee. Hmmm, those quiet and reserve gal, almost like Lee himself.
Having such gathering makes life more enjoyable. At least working with this bunch of colleagues is not just work alone. However, sometimes i wonder if the others also think this way. Whenever there are things that happen in the office, i would just take or assume that things are what it was presented to me. I would not think otherwise or even deeper. But it seems that the others would think the other way. They know that behind what is being done, there are other reasons for it and the main motive. Am I really that stupid to see it? Hmmmmm........
Friday, September 9, 2005
Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path. Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by yourself to rest and meditate. There is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do. This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative. You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends.You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return.
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?
Monday, September 5, 2005
Attended Matt's Wedding today. Before the wedding i received a sms from Jane informing me that Jeannié's Dad just passed away. Hence we attended the wedding reception in the afternoon and the wake in the evening.
She doesn't seems to be sad that her Dad is no longer with her. Maybe its a relief for her Dad who was suspected of suffering from TB and had liver infections as well. This quick ending would have ended all the sufferings that her family as well as her Dad might have to go thru if he is still around.
That made me wonder what happens if its my Dad. Jeannie's Dad smokes and drinks. Although Dad does not drink, he smokes a lot. I really mean a lot! Although I had tried telling him not to smoke his reply would always be
"Gal, you just don't understand. I have been smoking since I was 18. Its not that easy to stop smoking""
Yes I have to agree that I do not know how the addiction is like. I do not know how it feels if I am a smoker and wants to stop the addiction. Oh well, I just hope that nothing bad would happen. I hoped that when that day comes for him to leave us, it would be a peaceful one for him. One that would not cause him any pain or suffering.
I do not seems to have any enjoyable to post online. Whenever I read other people's Blog, they would have nice and happy things to blog. But not me. It sounds so disappointing. My life seems to be so grey. When would sunshine ever come back into my life?
